Why, oh WHY, don't I stop myself from my 4 or 5 a.m. postings? While I will confess to everything I spewed this morning as truth, surely there is a better, less crazy woman way to express it. sigh.
I'm still tired, but life really does look different 12 hours later, when the sun is still up and (admittedly) the crazies and frustrated thoughts are quelled. What is it about the wee hours of the morning that take all your panic and anxiety and multiply it by about 300 percent and yet you expect yourself to behave rationally? I just don't know. CLEARLY I don't know, hence my random early morning posts. Luckily, they are few and far between.
That being said, I think a very real issue that was going on with me is the realization that with all my contracting and irregular laboring, this baby is coming. Holy cow! All these months of being, "Yeah, this is baby #4 and we are so laid back and unstressed because we are used to this whole parenting thing," must have finally gotten to me and reality thumped me on the head. Because even though, yes, we have experience, each baby is unique and who knows what this little one will be like when she finally makes her appearance.
PLUS!!!! Let me just add, I was not ready if I did go into sudden, full-on active labor. I mean, seriously. There are certain things that I've learned that I really do want in the hospital with me as well as want to already have stocked in the house, and I DID NOT HAVE THEM. Notice the past tense to that sentence, because I have since gotten my act together and made a trip to the great land of Wally-World (aka: Wal-mart). So, happily, now I not only my music stuff together for Primary, but I've actually shopped and have the appropriate feminine hygiene products, nursing paraphernalia, diapers and wipes and a myriad of other things, as well as a few groceries. I feel much better about life in general now.
And that, Gentle Reader, is not something I will regret posting. :)