Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Ohmyholycow, part 2

Time: 1:55

The setup: We have just returned from a whirlwind trip to Wal-Mart and Target. We being myself, Miss A, E, and O. I am currently horking down a chicken sandwich from McDonald's, because if I don't, I will start gnawing off my arm I am so hungry (I type between bites, therefore I am. Ha. I think hunger is affecting my thinking).

Okay, why you ask have I done this? When we all know I don't like the huge shopping extravaganzas, etc. etc. One word:


For some reason, I felt impressed to try on my two maternity swimsuits. Oh. My. Holy. Cow. I'm not sure what is going on with my body this pregnancy, but (here's too much info, and I apologize to all sensitive readers) I have no stomach muscles left (my own fault for not trying to do anything with that area between pregnancies, but still! So Sad!!!) and my boobs have grown exponentially (which makes me even sadder than the gut because they are mocking me, as I know they will become shriveled sagging shells of what they once were when I am done nursing, but I'm sure that's a post for about a year and a half from now). This means that my first maternity suit (the bright red one that I used to joke makes me look like a huge tomato) makes me extremely and strangely flat chested (all things considered) with my huge gut just below. Say it with me: UN-attractive. Oh dear. So very unattractive.

My second suit is...er...was a modest tankini purchased just last year. I put it on and I thought...well, it looked better LAST year when I was not pregnant but at the ending of nursing (...was that just LAST summer???? My poor body). I thought, I'll make due with this for the upcoming getaway. That is, until my friend JK's Mom called, and as I was chatting, I was putting stuff away and meandering through the house. Guess what. As I was talking on the phone, I discovered to my HORROR that this year, at 7 months pregnant, the top started to creep...over the belly, exposing sadly stretched skin with accompanying stretch marks. And no matter how many times I'd pull and tug, over the tummy it goes. OH.MY.HOLY.COW!!!!!!!

Both of these suits have now become UNACCEPTABLE! Yegads! So, I went shopping.

Shopping with 3 girls under the age of 6 means one thing: grab and go. This means I have spent today, at the two stores, about...get ready for it...because it's shocking: Between $400-$500ish dollars. Easily I spent that.

Gentle Reader, keep in mind that I will only keep maybe about $100-$150 (which is still shocking, but it's trip prep!), when all things are said and done, but it is SHOCKING how this happens. I know exactly where all the receipts are, but even I am in shock at it all.

I have, currently in my home, about 7 or 8 swimsuits. I kid you not. I also have some capri pants, in two different sizes. Some tops, in two different sizes. And some sunblock. I'll be keeping that. As well as the bubbles, sunglasses and swimming pool paraphernalia that I picked up to keep the kids occupied in the store. Alright, yes. We'll call a spade a spade. They are bribes. I bribed my kids, with cheap Chinese plastic things and McNuggets. But we all came out of the experience relatively unscathed. Almost half (if not more) of everything else will be returned.

So now you know my ugly secret for why I am A) such a fashion plate and B) why I don't normally enjoy go shopping. But the good news is that I think out of all of the options, I'll have a suit that will carry me through the rest of the pregnancy, birth, and a bit of postpartum. Whew.

Now I just have to pick a suit from all the options and return the remnants.

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